Peace comes with time....

Where has time gone?  Apparently out the back door with the dish water!  Lots of things to reflect on from the past couple of months.....

My oldest baby boy decides he wants to grow up and get his driver's license.  I reluctantly agreed, and he managed to do it all by himself without my help or holding his hand.  What?  How did that happen?  I can't believe that I have a child that can actually do something on their own!!  Do you know how long it took me to convince him that he didn’t need to sleep in the floor of my bedroom next to my bed, and now he thinks he can be alone in a car driving down the highway??  I cried tears of joy that day, and then I cried tears from fear.  Then I called the insurance company and I cried tears of financial pain.  I can’t believe that I don’t get that cute little discount for his insurance because he refuses to dress out in P.E. and has managed to fail every semester.  Nice, right?!?

I watched my youngest baby boy walk down the halls of the elementary school for the last time.  Seriously, where did that time go?  How did he just grow up right before my eyes, and I never saw it coming?  I met with his speech teacher, along with his primary teacher and the principal the day before he “graduated”.  I sat there with the three of them and expressed his apprehensions and concerns about taking speech once he started Middle School, with tears rolling down my face, and they assured me he will be fine.  Mrs. Thompson, the speech therapist, begins to read to me the end of the school year evaluation…”John Michael’s likes are baseball, video games and Oreo cookie ice cream.”  She made sure I knew that he was very specific about the Oreo cookie ice cream!  That’s my boy!!  We are stress eaters around my house, and all of that speech stuff seems to stress him out!  Lisp or no lisp, I am super proud of him!  Who needs to say “She sells seashells down by the seashore” anyways? 

If you read any of my previous posts, you know that a beautiful friend of mine was dying of cancer.  Unfortunately, I am now living with the fact that I just couldn’t bring myself to see her or even speak to her before she died.  I tried, I really did.  I was scared that I wouldn’t say the right thing.  I was scared that she would want me have the right answers for her questions.  Really, I think I was just scared that I would have to face the real fact that she wasn’t going to live.  Tracy didn’t want a big shindig when she died, but sorry my friend, it happened!  The preacher read a letter that she had written, and there wasn’t a dry eye in the place…not because it was all sad and sappy, but because every word of it was just Tracy and we all had a laugh!  She had a great sense of humor and even in her sickness, she showed it.  I will forever be grateful for our friendship and will miss her dearly. 

And, last, and most definitely not least, we have had the displeasure of Michael losing his job.  The dreaded phone call came in to me at work on Tuesday, May 31^st at 2:21 pm.  It was something that we knew would eventually happen, but not something that you are ever prepared to hear.  Michael tells me that he has been laid off, and then tells me not to get myself in a tizzy.  Well, that didn’t happen.  I sat at my desk, cried like a baby, and wondered how in the world we are going to survive on one income.  Michael is at peace with what has happened, and seems to feel like a weight has been lifted off of his shoulders, since the unknown of when this was going to happen is now over.  I, on the other hand, am the one that worries.  I handle our financial needs, and all I see is bills that need to be paid with no money available.  I don’t feel like talking to anyone(so please don’t have your feelings hurt if I don’t answer my phone),  and every night I tend to cry myself to sleep.  The middle of the night, 3:00 a.m. crying didn’t take place last night, so I find that a small accomplishment.  My children have been very sympathetic and have been very helpful that last few days.  My sweet middle baby boy, Jacob, unfortunately has taken after myself and worries.  He worries that we’ll lose our house and every time he speaks to me, he wants to know if I am ok.  He prays with me every night that Michael will find a job and we will be ok.  He’s such a sweetheart and I hate that at 12 years old, he feels the need to worry.  I know we will be fine, and I know that God will never leave us nor forsake us.  But, I am human, and I haven’t been able to let go of the fear.  I read something today that reminded me of how I should not worry and to let God be in control.  I sat there, again at my desk, and cried, but this time because I realized that I am not in control of this situation, but God is and that should be good enough for me.  I don’t need to worry, I don’t need to cry, and I don’t need to wonder…..give it to God, and walk away.

“When peace like a river attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot thou hast taught me to say,
It is well; it is well with my soul.”

I Promised.....

I swore I would never do this….I even made a promise to God….. It went something like this:  Please let me have a little girl and I promise I’ll never make her do pageants, wear dresses or bows, or cute shiny shoes.   I’ll not let her be sassy, bossy, and prissy or any of those other words to describe silly little girls!  So now, I must ask for forgiveness.  Forgive me for forcing my baby girl into a pageant tomorrow.  Forgive me for encouraging her to wave; blow kisses and bat her sweet little eye lashes in order to get the attention of the judges.  Forgive me looking around at the other babies and thinking (out loud) that my baby girl is so much prettier than the others.  Forgive me not just sending in two photos, like I promised my husband, but slipping the lady at the front office desk an extra $5.00 and a third picture so I can be assured that she would win at least one of the photogenic awards.  Forgive me for buying 4 more dresses just to make sure I had the “right one”.  Forgive me for threatening to spank her if she gets to the end of the stage and yells “I pooted” to the audience (she does really do that, and often, in public).  Forgive me for asking my oldest child to escort her on the stage because he is so handsome and that might just give her extra points with the judges.  Please Lord, since I have asked for forgiveness, please just let her win….I would really hate to embarrass the family if she doesn’t….  And, I promise, Lord, I won’t put her into another pageant…..at least until next year.

Top 10 Thursday

I think that I am going to start a "theme" blog each week.  I might change it up, but I thought this top 10 thing would be fun!!

10 Things you probably don’t know about me:

·         I secretly have a crush on the “Blue Wiggle”, Anthony Fields

·         I love to mix creamed potatoes in my spaghetti-o’s

·         I wish that I could play the guitar and/or piano

·         Is horrible at math, and apparently has shared this disability with my children

·         Wanted to be an archeologist when I grew up, and now I want to work in law enforcement

·         I put peanut butter and chocolate syrup on my pancakes

·         I only shave my legs when I can’t stand for my legs to touch each other (yuck, I know!)

·         Have to put things “in order” on the conveyer belt at the grocery store

·         I stand in front of a mirror and do Zumba moves just to see how stupid I look to my instructor

·         Afraid of scary movies

Discipline or Disappoinment? The choice is yours.....

'There are two pains in life. There is the pain of discipline and the pain of disappointment. If you can handle the pain of discipline, then you'll never have to deal with the pain of disappointment,'- Nick Saban

We’ve all had to deal with this realization in that quote at some point in our lives.  Unfortunately, we have to watch our children go through it as well.  Most recently, I have had the ultimate displeasure of watching Matthew go through this.  He had a weight gain of about 20 pounds over the past year, which put him in two higher weight classes for wrestling.  Could be partly because of the Little Debbie snack cakes we took stock in over this past summer, and maybe some growth spurts he went through.  Could be genetics, but look at me and Dave.  So, I’m putting my money on Little Debbie!  We all talked to him about losing weight, which ultimately was not an option, given the fact that he is only 3% body fat.  So, the next suggestion would be to work out, build some muscle, and make it work for him.  But, that would take discipline.  Something he wasn’t willing to give or take.  Thinking he could get by, he wasn’t going to face the fact he wasn’t going to win matches on his looks (which, by the way, he is gorgeous, but it won’t work on other guys in spandex).  He was given options by his Coach to be in Athletics and have use of the weights, but again, that would take discipline, and he wasn’t willing to do it.  So, when it came down to “Sectionals”, which would determine if he would make a trip to the State tournament as a contender and not spectator, he struggled.  I think for the first time all season he realized that he wasn’t going to be able to do it.  He worked harder that weekend than I had seen him work all season long, but unfortunately, it was a day late and a dollar short, as the old saying goes.  I hated to see him lose.  I hated to see all of his friends and fellow wrestlers, one by one, make it to the State tournament.  I hated to see the tears flow down his face.  I hated it really bad.  There was nothing I could do for him at this point, but reiterate that next year, try a little harder, be a little more disciplined, and he can achieve what he couldn’t this year.  Disappointment is not fun.  And, it is especially not fun when it’s one of your own going through it.  But, hard work and determination will always pay off. 

At the same time I was watching one of my children crying, another one was rejoicing!  Jacob had just found out that he had made the “travel” soccer team in North Jefferson.   He decided that he wanted to try out for this team instead of just playing again at the park.  Again, just like with Matthew, we told him that he needed to get re-conditioned.  He, just like me, has struggled with a weight problem.  He has outgrown his sixteen year old brother, and seems to be shaped like his Uncle Jason.  However, he took on the treadmill like a true champ and started his conditioning regime.  He was determined that he was going to make this team, and show everyone that he too can accomplish anything that he sets his mind to, or is willing to fight hard for.

John Michael has given up a lot for a nine year old, but he has dreams.  May sound silly to some, but the only thing he has ever wanted for himself is to play baseball for a major league team.  I truly believe in speaking something into existence and this child has spoken this since he was able to speak!  For Heaven’s sake, his first real word was “ball”!!!  He has missed many a birthday party, play time with friends, vacations, and all because his dedication has been to his love of baseball.  He practices several days a week, three to four hours at a time, then plays 5 or 6 games a weekend.  This is what he chose for himself, and I am here to support that decision.  He wants more for himself and he knows all too well, without that dedication, he will experience disappointment.  He hasn’t always had winning seasons, but he can always say that it wasn’t because he didn’t try.  He has accomplished quite a lot these past couple of years.  He just happens to be the best first baseman around! Well, I am his mommy, so I can think so!!!

There is no way to completely shield your children or yourself from disappointment.  But if you can instill discipline into their lives, you can try to steer them away from that disappointment.  Not always, but there are times, and when there is, there is a lesson to be learned.

Where am I???

I had plans to update this blog more often than just once a week, but apparently, I have more going on than I need to have.  I think yesterdays incident of going to work and not discovering that I forgot to wash the conditioner out of my hair until my work day was over, just proves this point. 

Reasons I have temporary memory loss on occasion (more often than not here lately)?  Besides the fact that I have had one child with the flu, two with the stomach virus, one wrestling, working a full time job, trying to pay bills, keep a house somewhat presentable and everything in between.  But, in the midst of all of this, I have discovered that I need a GPS, not only for my car, but for my children! 

This past Tuesday, I left work on a mission to Hueytown High School to watch my oldest child wrestle his last match before "sectionals".  I googled the directions because it had been a long time since I have been on the west side of town.  I left work, armed with my directions, made it to Hueytown, stopped by the ATM because it always cost at least one of your arms to be able to see your child do what he loves to do, and found the school with no incidence.  As I arrived, I noticed that I didn't recognize any of the cars in the parking lot, but then again, I was 30 minutes early.  I find the door, pay my money, and walk into the gym only to find no one from Hayden, including the wrestlers.  Oh.My.Word.  They weren't there and no one can tell me where to find them.  I can't call my son, because he decided to take pictures of his friend in class, and now the principal is the temporary owner of a Samsung cellphone.  I try to call a few of the parents that I know, to no avail.  Finally, found someone, and is told that this match has been canceled for a couple of weeks, and that our school is visiting Dora to wrestle.  WHAT???  I am in Hueytown, and they are in Dora.  Ok, ya'll may not know this, but my son only weighs 119 pounds, and normally they wrestle in order of weight classes.  So, that means that he'll be the third one to wrestle that evening.  Ok, so now the dilema of do I go home and prop my feet up, get a cold drink and hope he enjoys the bus ride home or do I drive like a mad woman to Dora and just see if I can out run the cops if they decide to slow me down?  I did decide to drive to Dora, to which after I had  been on the road for an hour, needed to go to the bathroom.  I made it, ran to the bathroom, walked in the gym (had to pay to get in there too), sat down, only to be told by the parents that I just missed Matthew wrestling.  You. Have. Got. To. Be. Kidding.  That is the story of my life.  Seriously.

So, see, if I had a GPS in my children, I could have just dialed him in and wouldn't have driven all over God's green creation to find out where they had chosen to go that night.   Laughed at the idea earlier?  Makes sense now, right? 

I like my sister's email that she sent me today....."My cup runneth over, and I have a lot on my plate (and have an appetizer and dessert too)".  That about sums it up, huh?

A whole lot of tears

I decided that this blog wasn't going to be all sappy and crap like some of the other blogs that you might read.  I want this one to be down to earth, this is how it is, and maybe give some folks a good laugh (or cry because they really feel sorry for me).  However, this week has been a little sappy and a lot of sad. 

Yesterday I found out that a really close friend of mine is dying from cancer.  We knew about a month ago that she had developed uterine cancer, and that she was going to start radiation and chemo.  She is such a trooper and announced that the cancer really didn't know who it was dealing with because she is a fighter!  And, she is.  She's mean as a snake, and at the same time will give you her last bite of food or the shirt off of her back.  I've only known Tracy for about 7 years, but in those years, I found a good friend.  She has attended my children's baseball and football games, we've watched our boys wrestle against each other in high school (well, actually, her son Adam would squeeze Matthew to a pulp) and she has welcomed me into her home.  I have become to know Tracy, and to know her is to love her.

As it goes, her Doctor presented her and her family with some devastating news yesterday.  The Doctors are giving her the prognosis of only a few months to live.  Just a month ago, they said she had a 50% survival rate.  Who are these Doctors to put a time line on someone?  I know that God is in the miracle business and we never know what He has in store!  My heart is just aching....No, I didn't see her everyday, since we no longer work together, but we are friends, and friends hurt for each other.   I hurt for her family, her children, her grandchildren, her mother, for Tracy.  I think about Adam - he's a Senior in High School, just signed a football scholarship TODAY, and his mom cannot be with him.  He will graduate in a few months, and I hope and pray that his mom will be sitting in a chair, raising her hands in the air with joy and watching him receive the much deserved diploma.  I think about Julie - she has twin baby boys who love their grandmother with a passion, who needs her mom to talk "woman" talk with, and longs to share memories.  I think about Brandon - who made the grown up decision to join the military and become a responsible young man.  And, I think about Tracy - I can't imagine what is going thru her mind right now.  If I had to bet, it is all the things I just mentioned. 

Tracy.  My sister.  My friend.

What am I doing with all of these rocks in my pocket?

Ok...here's my first attempt at blogging!  Guess this is a "get to know me", and why I am doing this kind of session.

It came to me in a dream about a year ago - that I would write a book, that is.  This dream was very vivid and when I woke up, I knew that writing was what I was supposed to do, along with the title of this book.  I got up that morning and told the kids and hubby my dream...of course they just gave me that "deer in the headlight" look, and thought I had lost my mind.  Well, quite honestly, I'm not far from that now!  I had no clue what the contents of the book were supposed to be about, or why I was supposed to write.  I did, however, know why the name of the book was to be.  In my dream, I named my book "A Pocket Full of Rocks".  The reason - I love rocks!  I have always loved rocks, even when I was a little girl.  I have collected rocks of every size, shape and color.  My daddy would bring home rocks, fossils and even an arrowhead from his work site (he was a Civil Engineer and helped with the construction of a dam on the Red
River in Louisiana).  So, with all of that being said, apparently my first born had that same love!  He was little; maybe 2 or 3, and he would fill his little jeans pockets with rocks from the playground.  It might have been pea gravel to most but to him, this was his "surprise".  He couldn't wait for me to pick him up from daycare so that he could show me the "surprise" that he had gotten me!  Everyday he would come home and empty out his little pockets into a mason jar for me - "Mommy's Rocks".  The funny part - I never, ever told him of my obsession and love for rocks!! (since then, I have discovered that we can so read each other like a book, which is probably not a good thing for him!)

So, this brings me to why I am writing this blog.... I guess I thought I would never get anything on paper and my book would never be, so I figured I could at least get something written, somewhere and maybe that would inspire me!  So, here it is!  I hope you enjoy my many adventures with four children, a hubby, a cat and a dog (all of my rocks)!